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1


Relationship to SelfEven if not consciously aware, people crave a return to a state of complete, divine love. During our search, relationships with others are meant to mirror our own current issues. This is a gift as it assists our learning and development. When you react strongly to someone, whether positive or negative, its purpose is to draw your attention. You are reacting because you hold a judgment about whatever attribute or situation has prompted your response. As long as you hold judgment of others, you can not find the peace you desire within. Whether you are interested in a Jewish relationship or a Christian relationship, the opportunity exists to learn self-acceptance from these interactions. In practical terms, your spiritual development will be aided by working to overcome the need to defend yourself or prove another “wrong.” Treating your partner and yourself with compassion, instead of criticism and judgment, will develop the most beautiful relationships we are capable of. Rodegast and Stanton (1994) state this beautifully: “There is nothing but love. Don’t let the masks and postures fool you. Love is the glue that holds the Universe together. The greatest need in a soul is to achieve that loving of self which will bring about the unity wherein the judgments that have caused such pain are eliminated. Love and compassion for others cannot exist until there is a goodly supply for self. How can you feel the love of God if you do not love yourself? Are they not one and the same thing?” A loving relationship with yourself is the key to the love and joy you seek.


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AmericanSingles.com Tip: Has your mother been harassing you about when you’re going to get married? Asking when you will be providing the grandchildren you owe her? If this sounds familiar or you know it is in the not so distant future, it’s time to be proactive. Jewish personals are an option a lot of Jewish men and women use to approach this dilemma. It is a fast, convenient, easy and safe way to narrow down your search and get results. When developing your own personal: be truthful and clearly state who you are and what you're looking for. This serves to attract the kind of people you want to meet, increasing the chances of a connection and a successful date. Also, to maintain your safety, never provide personally identifiable information (e.g. name, address, phone number, employer) in your profile.


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3


Christian DatingDeveloping a Christian relationship that honors your religious beliefs and yourself is the goal. Any time you are involved in a relationship that leaves you with a sense of worthlessness, it is not one God would want for you. You are a child of God and therefore deserve only love and kindness. At times, people will remain in abusive relationships out of a belief that God, or their church, considers divorce sinful. However, almost all faiths treat abuse as an exception because it dishonors the holy intention of marriage. It is difficult for most people to admit to themselves, let alone others, that abuse is happening. This is especially true when there is not active physical or sexual abuse occurring. Unfortunately, abuse can also be perpetrated through the following:
Emotional Abuse (name calling, criticizing, “joking” in a demeaning or embarrassing way)
Intimidation (using threats, looks or gestures to scare partner; breaking objects)
Isolation (uses jealousy to control what partner does, who he/she sees, where he/she goes)
Denies Responsibility (minimizes, denies or blames partner for emotions and behavior)
Uses Children (threatens to harm the children or take them away from the partner)
Financial Control (keeps partner from working or takes paychecks; demands account of all spending)Questions about what your religion teaches on abuse within a Christian relationship or marriage, can be answered by your minister, pastor or priest.


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4

AmericanSingles.com Tip: Catholic singles may prefer to date within their Christian faith for several reasons. In addition to the commonality in beliefs and backgrounds, there are some specifics to the Catholic faith pertaining to marriage. For example, premarital counseling sessions are strongly encouraged or required for Catholic singles before a marriage can be performed by The Church. Prior to performing a wedding ceremony, the couple is also asked to commit to raising any future children within the Catholic faith. And, The Roman Catholic church does not believe in divorce unless extreme circumstances exist. If you haven’t used online dating before, don’t be intimidated. Getting started is no problem. Begin with an Internet search using keywords such as: “Catholic singles,” “Catholic relationships,” “Catholic dating.” Explore a few sites and see what feels right for you.


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5


Catholic SinglesPremarital counseling sessions are strongly encouraged or required for Catholic relationships before a marriage will be performed by The Church. Prior to performing a wedding ceremony, the couple is asked to commit to raising any future children within the Catholic faith. And, The Roman Catholic church does not believe in divorce except in extreme situations. These are a few points to be considered by Catholic singles contemplating marriage. These should be discussed whether your partner is Catholic or not. However, if you are planning to marry outside your faith there is more potential for differences of opinion to arise. Therefore, it is a good idea to discuss these specifics as well as the overall differences in beliefs and backgrounds far in advance. Remember to be open minded, considerate and loving throughout these conversations. These reasons or others may be lead to your interest in limiting your dating to Catholic singles. Specialized dating sites and onlinecommunities exist for Catholic singles to make your search easy andenjoyable. The sites are fun to use and give you immediate access toothers seeking Catholic relationships.


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AmericanSingles.com Tip: Whether it is support and guidance within a current relationship or you’re looking to jump start your love life, online services are available to assist you with your Jewish dating needs. Online communities specializing in providing support and guidance for Jewish dating have the advantages of convenience and anonymity. The convenience aspect becomes even more important if you are a Jewish man or woman living somewhere without access to a sense of community. And, given how difficult it can be to acknowledge and discuss problems and worries, the anonymous nature of online groups is great because it diminishes embarrassment. There isn’t the same hesitancy to be open about private issues, thus allowing you access to the help and support you need.


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7


Jewish Dating HelpThere are many resources to help Jewish singles with relationship matters. Online support and educational groups aimed at meeting the emotional and spiritual needs of dating and Jewish marriage are a great resource. A safe, supportive atmosphere provides a venue to discuss personal issues, questions and concerns. Some sites specializing in Jewish dating and Jewish marriage actually provide facilitators qualified to give Torah based guidance. If you are looking specifically for help finding Jewish singles, there are numerous Jewish singles communities on the Net. These provide a modern alternative to traditional Jewish matchmaking. This is a great way for Jewish singles to find friends, dates and even marriage within their faith. If your focus is on finding Jewish singles to make friends, dates or long-term relationships with, the Net offers this to you as well. Sites include fun features that allow you to get to know people safely andcomfortably. You immediately have access to countless opportunities forJewish dating.


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8

AmericanSingles.com Tip: Many Jewish singles use online personals to find a partner. This is the modern approach to Jewish matchmaking. It uses modern day technology to help those looking for a Jewish relationship be successful with less effort, less time and less meddling by family and friends. Faith based sites and online communities allow you to post and review numerous Jewish personals. The benefit of these specialized dating sites is it automatically narrows your search for you. This saves you a lot of time and effort. Of course, the more important forming a Jewish relationship is to you the more sense it makes to take advantage of these types of service. Whether you are looking for friendship, love or a Jewish marriage, this is a convenient and comfortable way to increase your chance of success.


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9


Jewish SinglesJewish singles may or may not feel strongly about dating inside the Jewish faith. For some, it’s a priority to date and eventually marry a partner who has been raised with the values and the traditions of Judaism. Like Christianity, however, Judaism is not monolithic and not all Jews are the same or want the same thing in a romantic relationship. Some Jewish singles want to be with someone who has grown up with the culture that they grew up with. Others will want someone who not only shares a Jewish background, but is similarly observant, perhaps keeping a kosher home or regular Sabbath observance. Still others in the community of Jewish singles are more secular and non-religious. They consider themselves culturally Jewish, not religious. For them, the priority is to celebrate certain rituals they enjoy, perhaps the Passover Seder, Chanukah, and so on. But they are also happy to celebrate Christmas and Easter with friends or partners without feeling it violates their faith. This population of the American Jewish community is large and growing. By some studies, Jewish intermarriage is approaching 50 percent. For those Jewish singles (or any singles) who date outside their faith, the important thing is to be frank about one’s needs and expectations. During the dating phase of a relationship, both parties may be open to all kinds of different traditions and customs. As things get more serious, however, contemplating marriage, family, and children can often result in a return to traditions from one’s past. Be open and honest with your concerns, needs, and things that make you uncomfortable. If you can talk through the discomfort and find common ground, laying the foundation for a strong intercultural relationship will have begun.


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10

AmericanSingles.com Tip: Christian dating should be a positive, self-affirming experience. To make sure you're entering into a Christian dating relationship that honors you and God, be aware of these common signs displayed by those with an abusive personality. · Extreme jealousy or possessiveness · Pushes for quick and intense involvement · Seems too good to be true · Blames others for actions · Needs to be in control · Unrealistic expectations of the relationship · Easily upset or angered · Inability to respect boundaries or privacy · History of violent behavior · Acts critical, belittling or demeaning · Pressures for sex · Alcohol or drug abuse · History of childhood abuse and/or witnessing parental domestic violence · Reckless behavior · Poor self-worth · Intense fear of being left · Cruelty to children / animals · Intimidating behavior · Threatens violence


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